Turn Your Complaints into Blessings, part 2
December 12, 2007 | Leave a Comment
So that’s it? You just change the heading on a list from, “Complaints” to “Blessings,” and the bad things in your life just go away — or become good things?
I never said that was all there was to it; I said that was the first step. But there really isn’t that much more to it! First, you create the possibility that you may have been looking at some of the Blessings in your life as Problems or Burdens. Then, you start thinking about these things and ask yourself, “How is this problem really a blessing.”
Do it; ask yourself that question. Don’t simply say, “Why should I do that? It isn’t a blessing!” If you want something different, you need to start thinking differently; that’s why. If you aren’t happy, you can be sure you aren’t accessing and using all of your wisdom. Wise people know everything is a blessing. The rest are here simply to figure that out in their own ways and in their own times.
Try thinking about this list of complaints along these lines:
1. (Job & Co-workers) Your job is not really a pain in the neck; the pain in your neck and shoulders comes from THINKING your job is a pain in the neck (really). The truth is that your job is a gift that you asked for and received — maybe even worked or competed for. Your job is a gift that feeds, clothes, and shelters you; and you can always get a different one. So, you might say that it is kind of stupid to stand in a puddle and complain about being in a puddle rather than stepping out of it.
And, your Co-workers are people with lives and issues of their own; but they share something in common with you and if you looked at the situation clearly, you’d realize that you couldn’t do all the work by yourself — and even if you could you wouldn’t want to. Besides, it would get boring being alone all the time. Try treating them differently rather than waiting for them to turn into you. Become interested in how they get along doing things differently than you. OR, just practice being polite and sensible — valuable skills for any human.
2. (Bills & Finances) You created your bills and finances; and you asked for and enjoyed the experiences you now owe for. Either think about how much you enjoyed those experiences, how much you’ll enjoy similar experiences in the future, or about how you can make more money to pay your bills. It is only good to think about bills BEFORE you incur those you do not want and when you have the money to pay them. Otherwise, you need to be focused on MAKING money. These are two different ideas; and thinking positively makes it easier to be resourceful and creative. A relaxed, happy person is way more likely to find money, or have a lucrative idea, than a stressed-out worrier.
3. (Relationships) Every relationship is a blessing — and a lesson that teaches us about a certain part of our self. Instead of complaining about shortcomings, notice something good and mention it in a nice and sincere way. Spouses need to seriously consider that their words and thoughts are painting an image on their partner — creating new characteristics and behaviors in each other. There is an old television show called, “The Honeymooners,” in which a “typical” working-class couple were always at each other’s throats — criticizing and speaking unkind words. The show was a series of comical failures at various ventures; and, though the husband and wife often kissed and made up in the end, their lives were still miserable and unsuccessful, for the most part. You can’t win a football game by tackling your own quarterback. It is in YOUR best interest to think (pray) about how to make the most out of each of your relationships.
4. (Kids, Noise, & Mess) Kids are a blessing; don’t let yourself get in the habit of criticizing what God has made. Anything kids do that is bad, wrong, or undesirable, they were taught to do; teach them something else instead of feeding them intense negative emotions that actually anchor the negative behaviors. Bless the mess, and noise and stress, that naturally come with young people experimenting and learning about their world. Be grateful for the energy of fresh life. Jennifer, after years of complaining about Jacob leaving dirty clothes, underwear, towels, etc. on the bathroom floor, decided that she was actually grateful that she had such a wonderful teenager in her life to leave his underwear on the bathroom floor. Guess what — he now keeps his bathroom clean.
5. (Health & Medical Problems) Worry and complaining cause stress; stress causes most medical problems and complaints. There is no such thing as BAD health, or GOOD health; there is only health and what you do to it with your thoughts. If you are experiencing physical symptoms, you are experiencing a working immune system. In other words, “All you’re feeling is healing.” Let the symptoms be what they are and be grateful that your body is taking steps to restore balance and well-being. To complain about your health is to focus your attention on the bad rather than the good. Decide what you really want your health to be; and then give constant blessings and thanks that it is so. Declare it, know it, and then live it. Besides, people who complain about medical problems are acting like “sick people.” Healthy people don’t do that. Jesus said, “The sick and poor will always be among us;” but he didn’t say that you and me had to be among them!
6. (Weight & Body Image) If you hate what you see in the mirror, just imagine what you’d be looking at if you loved what you saw in the mirror; then, learn to love what you see in the mirror. If you bought a used car with bad paint, you could complain about the paint, or talk about making it better; one of these leads to a new paint job. Putting love into any situation makes it better; bless and love your body and then start telling your body what you want it to do for you — everyday (unless you only want to look good on some days…). The most important step in any health, or weight-loss, program is to love yourself and do the things you do for positive reasons — not to avoid or escape a negative.
7. (Parents, Siblings, & Friends) Everyone’s parents “screwed them up” in one way or another; but they also gave you the greatest gift of all — life. Most parents do better for their kids than their parents did for them; if you think you had it rough, just imagine how your parents must have had it — but don’t dwell there too long. You can fix anything; all problems can be solved. But you can’t get here without parents. Some parents teach their kids, others turn their kids over to the television or the streets — and some even give their children away. There are all kinds of parents who have all kinds of influences on all kinds of children; but they are all parents. Even if you’ve never met your parents, or if you never see them again, you should bless and appreciate those who brought you here and gave you a life that you can change in any way you wish.
Siblings and friends also teach us about ourselves and others. If you have either, you are blessed. A sibling is a peer we do not choose to relate to but must learn to; and a friend is a peer we do not have to relate to, but choose to. They both arrived here in the same way we did — parents — and everyone has their own unique set of traits, behaviors, and qualities. If you have a friend, you don’t need a list of ways they are a blessing in your life. If you have siblings, you have a family — and are more fortunate than most.
8. (Government & Taxes) The next time you see a fire truck, an ambulance, or drive on a road, be thankful that someone took up a collection to create these things for you to use. If you don’t like the way things work, do what you can to change them; but as long as you live within a system, it is in your best interest to make the best of it as you seek change. Obviously there are problems with government; and if you want the job, put your name on a ballot. Otherwise, do your self — and your health — a big favor and bless those who are charged with running things. Bless them with wisdom and compassion that they might better do their jobs.
9. (Traffic, Crowds, Lines, & Waiting) Other people have just as much right to be here as you; and, if they are in front of you, they may have done something you haven’t to be in that place. Don’t blame them; emulate them next time if they truly have something you want. All things have a way of happening when it is time; patience is a virtue. What is going to happen is going to happen; rushing and hurrying will not make it a better experience when it does — it will simply make you stressed out. And never forget the possibility that a delay now may be keeping you from an accident later. There is nothing you can be late to that is worth killing yourself over.
10. (People who Judge & Complain) It isn’t hard to find judgmental people, or people who complain a lot. It can be hard, however, to see them as a blessing — but they are. You can approach them with compassion and understand that they are unhappy and never had anyone teach them better, happier ways to approach life; or, you can simply be grateful that you don’t have so many complaints of judgments. They are at least serving you by showing you how you could be responding to your life — and what that gets you. In fact, these folks offer a version of the wisdom offered here: They are looking at a situation in one way and thinking it should be another — automatically implying that there are multiple ways any situation can unfold.
11. (ME — For Learning to Bless) You are your greatest gift and asset. If you have taken steps to learn how to think more positively and graciously, then you have already improved yourself and increased your own net worth. Not only that, you have taken active steps to improve your health, happiness, finances, and every other aspect of your life. Even when you slip and revert to petty judgments, you are still reminding yourself of how flexible and variable your mind can be — reassuring you that any situation can be adjusted or changed with a simple change of mind and heart.
Of course there are many different ways of looking at these things; but they are all things in your life and you need to understand that your life is only as flexible and easy as your thoughts are. You may not agree with some, or all, of the ideas above; but you need to realize that there are indeed other ideas about how to perceive the people, events, and things in our lives. Some perceptions may cause sadness; while a different perspective on the same thing may cause laughter and joy. Even if you were completely justified in your complaints (which you aren’t), it still wouldn’t be smart to let a judgment wreck your health — and that is exactly what complaints and judgments do.
If you are a proud person — too proud, perhaps, to let go of your complaints — then take pride in what you have just learned. Take pride in your newfound wisdom and ability to see all situations more clearly and completely. Don’t let someone else see more options, alternatives, or benefits in a situation than you can; be proud of the fact that you can be just as inquisitive, creative, and flexible as anyone — including any wise man, inventor, problem-solver, or even life coach or therapist. And be grateful that, once you open the door of possibility, all possibility rushes in. And you can be proud of the fact that you were wise enough to open that door. Pride can make you rigid and ill; but you can also use it to free yourself from the pain it causes.
After re-labeling your complaints as Blessings, and considering other ways of thinking about the things in your life, you can begin deciding for yourself how you want your life to be. You can use the power of positive thought, prayer, blessing, or hard work and discipline, to create the change you desire; but the process will always be the same. First, you notice a complaint in your life and decide to change it; then, you bless this area of your life and declare how it should now appear. Considering alternative ways of thinking about and approaching your situation opens your mind to new possibilities — one of which will be preferable to you. Focus on this new idea for this area of your life — even if it seems like a lie. The Bible says that you must first assume those characteristics you wish to possess; today we simply say, “Fake it ’til you make it.” Declare harmony in your relationships and balance and grace in all areas of your life; and then be happy at all costs while you watch your new life unfold.
There is no end to this process. If your thoughts change, the direction or quality of your growth may seem to change; but the process is continuous and on-going. Blessings bring blessings; curses bring curses. You can change the things you complain about by changing the way you complain about them. You put all of these things in your life; and they are all necessary — either for you to live your life the way you have designed it, or for you to learn and grow from. It is only your perceptions and thinking making them appear to be problems. In other words, when you stop noticing problems, your problems will cease to be problems. “Judge not…”
*Visit www.TheBlessingExperiment.com to sign-up for Kate Nowak’s Free Monthly E-zine, “The Blessing Way.”
Turn your Complaints into Blessings
December 12, 2007 | Leave a Comment
If your life “sucks,” if you are miserable, or if you just aren’t happy with your life, there is hope. In fact, you can take the first step towards changing your life RIGHT NOW; and this will work in every area of your life. No matter what’s wrong in your life, the first step is to STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR LIFE and find something better to think and talk about.
You may be isolated and not have anyone to talk to; but you still talk to yourself. And, if your life stinks, you are probably complaining to yourself. It may seem obvious: “I’m only complaining because my life really is miserable; I wouldn’t complain if my life was good.” But that is a lie. Don’t get mad at me; you are the one lying to yourself. And the, “I will be happy when…,” lie is one of the most common reasons people stay unhappy. Negative self-talk is self-destructive and self-sustaining; this is a trap you want to avoid.
The truth is that the emotions causing you to complain are the same emotions creating the life you are complaining about. This isn’t your fault; but if you want to change your life, it is your responsibility to change this for yourself. It is possible (likely) that you were simply never taught to be positive. True, most people aren’t (which makes it very unlikely that you would have a “positive” role model); but there are positive role models out there in the world. Find one and learn. Notice how they handle the situations that set you off, or cause you to lose your balance or center.
Probably, something traumatic or uncomfortable happened to you when you were younger; and you felt absolutely justified in judging and commenting on your unfortunate circumstances. But to do so after the fact is to create a new idea – a new thought, or a new prayer. People comment on the obvious and recreate it; people complain about their present situation and prolong or worsen it. To speak of the past is to live in the past; speaking of the past keeps it alive. The same is true of those things you don’t enjoy; speaking of them keeps them around.
Quit complaining about the things you don’t like; in case you haven’t noticed, it isn’t helping. Regardless of what your problems are – stop noticing the “bad” and speaking of it. For starters, who could you possibly repeat your problems to who really wants to hear them. When people ask you how you’re doing, they are not asking for your medical history or to hear all the drama and trauma in your life. They are being polite; and, if you think about it, they are giving you an opportunity to decide that things are going great and to declare it. It’s your decision; it’s your free-will. Don’t be “that person” who tells all of their woes to the first soul who offers a kind word; leave ‘em wanting more – not wanting to leave. People who are trying to uplift you are not looking to be brought down by your negative outlook. “Be of good cheer!”
Begin blessing those areas of your life where you have only been noticing problems. Try making a list of all the things in your life you complain about – or that you could complain about (if you were the kind of person who complains, of course). Write “My Complaints:” at the top of the page; and then make a list of all the things in your life that irritate you, that you don’t like, that mistreat you, or about which you have any complaints at all. Your list may be longer, shorter, a bit more or less detailed, or have completely different things altogether; but here is a list of things (in no particular order) people typically complain about:
Now, take another sheet of paper and label it: “Things I will never again complain about:”
And copy the items from your first list:
Now, whenever you hear your mouth playing the old recordings of complaints about any of the things on this list, remind yourself that you will never again complain of any of these things; and replace the complaint with a blessing. For a list of the blessings in your life, simply take a third sheet of paper and label it: “My Blessings:” Then, copy the items from the list of things you will never again complain about. Then add: “Bless me for no longer complaining about the important people and things in my life!”
My Blessings:
1. Job / co-workers
2. Bills / Finances
3. Spouse / Relationships
4. Kids / Noise / Mess
5. Health / Medical problems
6. Weight / Body Image
7. Parents / Siblings / Friends
8. Government / Taxes / etc…
9. Traffic / Crowds / Lines
10. People who Judge and Complain
11.Bless me for no longer Complaining about the important people and things in my life!
You can continue adding to this list as you wish; in fact, it is highly recommended that you do so. It will become easier and easier to see the blessings that were always around you when you begin to reformat your mind to see those blessings closest to you. The only difference between a blessing and a complaint is in your perspective and what you do with it.
You see, when you declare your kids are a blessing, and you cultivate that feeling daily, you start to see them differently – and they see you differently, too. You act differently; and they act differently. The same is true with your husband or wife (husbands may take a bit more work…), or with co-workers, or anything else on your list; it is better to bless than complain. “Declare a thing and it is so;” if you declare how miserable these parts of your life are, you are simply stuck with your own declarations. You asked for it, you got it… Or, “Ask and ye shall receive.” If you are complaining about your finances and want to know where your relief is, just remember: “You have not because you ask not.” Complaining and worrying is not the same as asking or declaring.
Try gratitude and appreciation – especially with the people and things in your life that you feel do not deserve your blessings or gratitude. They need it most of all; and you probably need to bless these areas of your life most of all. You will be surprised at what happens – and at how easy it is to turn your complaints into blessings.
For more on blessing the things in your life, or to join a Blessing Experiment or take part in the 30-day Blessing Challenge, go to www.BetterToBless.com and sign-up for the free challenge.
